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My Life is OVER…

September 1st, 2008

On August 31st…my life ends and then on September 1st…I get a new one…So many things have gone on since my last blog; I know it’s time to start anew, I know there are some things and some people that I have to let go; there are some habits that I have to drop; some ones I need to pick up; some traits I need to change and come September 1st I will be new. I really don’t even know where to start, but I know I will be transformed…I am SOOOOO grateful that I have two wonderful children that keep me moving forward and their smiles remind me just what I am here for…My eyes have been THRUST wide open this last month and I’ve seen things and people, that I’ve known my entire life, turn into people and do things that I wouldn’t have ever imagined possible. I am just so thankful that He kept me so close; guided me through my life and carried me through my times of despair…Thanks for allowing me to keep my sanity when really…I probably shouldn’t even have it.

The strangest thing happened to me Tuesday…I had a psychic call me because she thought I had been trying to get in touch with her…I told her I left her a message over a year ago, and she said, Oh that’s odd I thought you have been contacting me, So I set up an appointment anyways, just for the fun of it. I went to see her Wednesday. She told me some things that gave me confirmations of what I already thought; She gave me some insight on my psychicness (I know it ain’t no word so shut up!). She’s actually the 4th one that’s told me that I do have abilities…She also answered a question that has literally followed me and haunted me my entire adulthood life and I felt so liberated; new and I felt as if that one last piece of me that I didn’t quite understand was finally revealed. She also told me some thing that F’d me up and that I refuse to believe and I ain’t going no further with that one…She did give me some information that proved to me that she was real…she talked about my plans for this week; she talked about my kids and other things she really wouldn’t know…After talking w/her for 2 hours she only charged me for 30 minutes and told me that I can come and learn and talk to her for free whenever I wanted to because there was some thing “special” about me…I told yall I was special…I knowed it all along (I know that ain’t proper English…so shut up!)

My son came to me a couple of weeks ago after being at the park w/his boys (it’s funny because my son is such a little moma’s boy and square, it’s weird to hear him say “my boys”) (I ain’t that naive, I know the boy probably curses like a sailor when he’s not around me, but around me he is the most respectful and sweet kid). http://www.fabulousblackwoman.com/monthlyarticle.html read this article about him…It is a bit bias since…I wrote it. Anyways, he was so devastated when he came back because one of his classmates came to the park and she was pregnant. He couldn’t beleive it and talked about it all day. He is so mature because instead of ridiculing her like most people would; he was really sympathetic because he understood just how impossible she had just made her life. She was pregnant by one of his friends that was up at the park and she came to kick it with her boyfriend…. (13 years old going to the 8th grade) He talked to the boy about what he had done and the F’d up decision they had made. My kids just really make this life so much easier…

I wonder how many times you can fall in love with a person…Like can you do it every day? I have joint custody of my daughter because I beleive that it’s important for her to spend equal time with both parents, but it’s getting harder and harder the older she gets. There are moments in time that I can’t get back that would be so much better if she were there…There are lessons and experiences missed that are lost forever. Like times when I see something on T.V. that I think she should see or if we are at a family gathering and all of the other girls are there putting on a fashion show or talent show and she misses out…There are just somethings a girl needs to experience with her mother. There’s just moments that a mother really is all a daughter needs because I am the person she will model herself after and look to MOST for her womanhood…I miss her so much that on the days it’s time for me to pick her up I count down the hours before I reach daycare…Each and every time I see her I fall in love with her again; I get the same feeling I got when I saw her for the first time…I love you so much Khyli…Thanks for completing my life. Every moment spent with you is cherished. I am sooo proud to be your mother and no matter how old you are you will always be my lil princess; sometime it scares me how much you are like me; seriously does everything have to be so dramatic??? How about your smart mouth, must you always be so sarcastic??? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be you. But thtat’s not the only thing of me I see in you….I see your leadership and your intelligence; I see your compassion for others as well as your deep love for your family. Oh, the psychic told me somethings about you and she gave me something for you too…I’ll bring it when I pick you up today…Love you baby.

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