fabulousblackwoman.com Blog

My Favorite Subject…LOVE

October 9th, 2008

My grandparents got married really young. My grandmother was 13 and I think my grandfather was 17 or 18; they had 9 kids. From my understanding from the bits and pieces I’ve heard over the years, they had a very “wild” relationship filled with fighting, cheating, and drinking. I wouldn’t think they had any good times, but they had to have had atleast 9 decent nights or days depending on how they liked it (ugh..I know I was wrong for that, but I was thinking it and blogging is writing your thought…lol). After 20 something years, they split because, as my grandmother tells it, their oldest daughter finally convinced them to. My grandmother said my grandfather left her with 8 kids (one died as a toddler) and no money. Even today when she talks about him, she sounds bitter…she’s in her late 70’s and he is in his early 80’s…

From what I now understand…My grandfather genuinely wanted to have a close relationship with his kids, but their differences wouldn’t let him, but the kids did have somewhat of a relationship and they kept in touch with him and he did the same, even after he moved out of state…some of the kids would stay full summers with him and he would come here to visit them from time to time.

I don’t know how my grandmother’s life was and I can’t even imagine moving your kids and several brothers and sisters (my great-grandmother had about 16 kids) from the South to Michigan while she was a child herself…She faced many years of financial hardship, emotional and mental obstacles, which probably heightened after being left with 8 kids and not knowing how the hell you would raise them…4 boys and 4 girls…I have one of each and I sometimes don’t know how the hell I am going to get through.

Fortunately, my grandmother met a man…the only man I knew as my grandfather…They were together for almost 30 years before he died from a car accident, that my grandmother was in as well…that was about 15 years ago…and my grandmother has happily been by herself every since. Over the years, my aunts and uncles have taken trips to see my grandfather, (sometimes my grandmother would accompany them), some times they would visit him a few times a year and from what I understand, he visited here several times as well, but I guess I was too young to remember…I only remember seeing him 2-3 times.

A couple of months ago my aunts went to visit my grandfather and his health had detriorated since their last visit, so they decided to bring him back to Michigan to be closer to his family. He was brought to a hospital/adult care facility where he had round the clock care and his family could visit…(my grandmother said she was jealous because of all the fuss they were making over him ~ I think she was joking though). Not too long after arriving, his health improved drastically, until he was back to his old self. He got well enough to move in with my aunt..then all of a sudden…his health deteriorated again and he ended up on life support about a week or so ago…he had a seizure, pnemonia, cancer, and a stroke…I know right…

The doctor’s gave the family options of treatments and care, one of which was surgery, with no guarantees…When they talked to my grandmother about this, she was adamant about him NOT getting surgery, and all of a sudden she had an interest in his care and she genuinely seemed to care about him…Although for my entire life, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say one good thing about this man…See my grandmother still has a say because they were never divorced, they were separated for about 4 decades, but no one ever filed for divorce; she was still his wife and he her husband, although they both lived many many years with other mates (both there significant others passed)…No one expected for my grandfather to file fo a divorce because he never denied loving my grandmother…he constantly flirted with her and every chance he got, he asked her to tak him back…even tried to “holla” at her when they moved him back here…after 50 years…he was still trying.. But, when encouraged to divorce him, my grandmother wouldn’t…she had her own reasons, I think that somewhere deep down inside there was still a connection she was unready to let go of…I’m going to call the connection LOVE…

Today my mother was at the hospital with her father when he began to wake up…She called out my grandmother’s name (jokingly, because my grandmother wasn’t even there), and she said he opened his eyes and they were lit up like a christmas tree…isn’t that something…just her name brought life to a lifeless person…He even tried to talk, he’s getting some of the tubes taken out tomorrow, although his prognosis still isn’t great, his conditioned has improved. When my mother called to tell my grandmother about it…she could tell she was genuinely touched…We both think she still loves him, but pride, hurt and the unwillingness to forgive has stood in the way…but it still didn’t make the LOVE disappear…it is still as present and clear as it was when they were married…I don’t care what you do…LOVE is something no one has control over…Even when you don’t want to love a person, you do because love is something that is not in YOUR hands…TRUE love transcends time, circumstances, and it’s not perfect and doesn’t always come in a neat little package labeled “fragile, do not break”.

When my grandfather walked out for the last time, his youngest child was in pampers (well, diapers, I don’t think pampers was out yet…lol. if they were I know they couldn’t afford them). He is now…I think 47 or 48is…Almost 50 years…Even though the marriage and relationship was imperfect…the love wasn’t…it was PERFECT because that’s the only way love can be and anyone who has the chance to experience it…know that you are blessed beyond measure…

I think that love is within us, it’s always present and always ready to be shared and there’s a few special persons that can tap into it…even when you don’t want them too…it’s FOR THEM and again, not up to YOU…(You may let others get a glimpse of it, but not everyone can tap into it) Even if that person leaves, or God forbids, dies…that love doesn’t just disappear, but continuous to live in you. I sometimes can just think about a person and feel so overwhelmed with love, just like they are sitting in front of me…You don’t just remember a person you love, you FEEL them.

LOVE IS THE GREATEST EMOTION and emotions rule the world

~ Eddie

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